Nothing magical in that comment. I see people all the time that put out a strong, dominant, forceful, confident, independent persona. Underneath it is usually a very insecure person trying to measure up to the rest of the world. They may act like that for tons of reasons, but it is still an attempt to avoid some kind of fear. So they build walls and defenses, create that armor plating, and act the role they wish they really were. Down inside, these people are all scared and just trying to find a sense of security. Seeking validation is all about avoiding fear.
In fact, I find it quite rare to find someone who projects this persona and down inside is really that type of person. In fact, I never met anyone like this and I would be curious to hear if anyone on this board has. As Blackfoot has mentioned several times, the truly confident, dominant, independent person often comes across as a very humble, sometimes soft spoken, non-assertive type.
My W and mother are exactly like this dominant description. Both project an image of strength, independence, of not needing to rely on anyone (especially a man), are competitive and will not take the “weak” path of giving in to demands, instead setting their own terms and demands. But inside those walls, both have fantasies of being protected, nurtured and wanted by the “ideal” compassionate, caring, man who at the same time will give them loads of respect, infinite tolerance, patience and loyalty without any demands. It is a nice “one way street” type of delusion.
I also believe there are other people who have suffered the same types of childhood loss or trauma, but take the other path of playing the ultimate martyr, expressing their self pity, low esteem, sense of loss, all to get compassion form others (maybe Mojo’s H is like this?) There are plenty of willing “takers” to this game plan. Rescuing someone else can be a big ego trip, and lots of people are more than willing to fill that role, gaining unending gratitude from the “victim.” This is actually narcissism on the part of both people. Either way, it is all an attempt to avoid pain and fear.
