H initiated an intense convo today which took me by surprise...discussed depression in his father, and how he ( H) has run away from his feelings. He feels he attached himself to me ( I originally had a lot of energy, drive and focus) but he became lost when I would go through my depressive moods. On my part, I have always felt on some level that my emotional self was just not acceptable to H. This thread is about acceptance...maybe he is working on accepting me as well. H said lately he doesn't react the same way when he sees I am in a bad space and that he can separate himself better. He also said that he's had periods where he becomes sad and tearful (thinks about D14 going off to college, among other things). My feeling is that he has more depression in his soul than I do--after all this time, I have developed better resources to deal with my emotions. He really is such a sensitive soul...does a great job covering it up but has paid a price for that. When he parades around with his "jerky" cover it's hard to feel compassionate, yet tonite the mask was transparent, if only for a little while. I think he went overboard in the type 3 achiever stuff and needs to find a better balance, allow his true self to emerge. And it's easy for me to get caught up in his struggle and try to fix him when the best thing is to " just" be supportive.
On the sexual end of things,H is continuing to initiate every other day or so which I really appreciate...however, the last few times he didn't O, which then makes me insecure about myself and that whole validation thing. ( Note to self: it's about love, commitment, and bonding, J).
