Acceptance

[MJontheMend]

I agree that you can choose whether to be the pursuer or not, but it is a lot tougher to control whether to THINK about being the pursuer or not. You will feel what you feel, no matter how you may try. As long as you think you should be the pursuer, thoughts about sex will creep in, and so the pump will prime, even if you consciously choose not to do anything about it.

Throw that responsibility out the window and therefore all thoughts about sex, and the drive will diminish, at least to a point

I agree and that is why I sometimes have to play "mindgames" with myself in order to feel more LD and therefore less angry. For instance, let's say I'm looking at my H's biceps and thinking "Yum" and getting turned on, I can put the brakes on this reaction by asking myself "How would a LDW view my H?". If I then I choose to look at his least yummy physical feature and concentrate on that I can turn off my arousal reaction and be in control. Obviously, this is a very simplistic example and not necessarily something I would recommend for long term relationship success, sort of blunt-force reduction of validation.

Also, it is much easier for me to "think" that I shouldn't be the pursuer than it would be if I were a man. All I have to do is visualize myself as Mrs. Roper and my drive goes right in the toilet.