Acceptance

[MJontheMend]

I hope I didn't come across as too harsh in the above post. Here's my take on the Type 4 in a relationship. What the Type 4 (the artist) seeks in a relationship is either a patron or a muse. Somebody to provide the "clean well-lit space" or somebody to provide the inspiration. A very high-functioning Type 4 would be able to perform these functions for him or herself. Both you and your H do a better job at being a patron than at being a muse for you. That is why your marriage is more successful than your sex life. If your H tried to be more of a muse without improving his overall functioning he would naturally become less of a patron. You would feel more turned-on but less cared for in your relationship.

To give an overly simplistic example in my marriage. If I tried to be more of a muse by losing weight (improving my aesthetic appeal)but didn't improve my overall functioning and let the housework go to h*ll (literally not providing the clean, well-lit space) my H would want to have sex with me more but would want to live with me less.

Here is my point. Since I think you recognize the fact that your H is a good patron, you need to work at being more of your own muse. Reading erotica in order to get turned on would be sort of a direct current way to do this but I think it would also work if you were to spend more time actually pursuing some sort of artistic expression. For instance, the high you might get off of your Tuesday night sculpture class might put you in a space where you could connect better sexually with your H. Another overly simplistic example of this from my marriage would be that if I hear my H vacuuming in the bedroom (being his own patron) than I might anticipate some ho-hum husbandly sex. If I hear my H playing the piano (finding his own muse), I might anticipate something a little hotter.(Of course, no sound coming from the bedroom signals a Type 4 bedridden funk from which no possible sex can arise.)

I just wish I was self-aware enough to figure out what the Type 7 equivalents of the "patron" and the "muse" would be. I think one might be the hard-working "handyman" who finishes my projects for me (Hank chopping wood?)(the guy who makes me say "Gee, thanks!), maybe the other is the "candyman" who fulfills my oral fixation? (Hank's biceps swelling visibly as he chops the wood?)(the guy who makes me say "Yum.Gimme!')(LOL at my own pathetic Type 7ishness).