I have always felt there was some link between drive and aggression, which in turn related in part to anger. But I think this may really be due more to who is doing the pursuing. Both of you now say you have moved more to an LD state and are letting your Hs do the initiating. I am thinking that since you do not have to “obsess,” or at least concern yourself, with making the next initiation, you can turn your attention to other things. Those things are probably not sexual and you are not thinking about sex.
But when you did the initiating, sex was foremost on your mind. The frustration of not knowing when you could initiate or if it would be successful meant you were always thinking about it. I know that is so for me. And because you were always thinking about it, your body was always primed and ready to go. Not “obsessing” about it means you are not constantly primed. I don’t think this means there is anything wrong with your body, you are just in a different mindset now.
