Acceptance

[MJontheMend]

My feeling is there probably is too much water under the bridge for him to feel such outright desire...so I am back to accepting. We're doing good so I just have to say calm, but underneath I feel I am vulnerable to some new, exciting type of male interaction.

You know that I feel some sort of psychic kinship with your H ( he is actually sort of my mentor on how to make a LD Type 4 into a HD Type 4) so here's my take on the matter. I think you may be right. You rejected him too much in the past either outright or by making it clear that you would be more turned on if he behaved sexually in a way that isn't natural for him (more dark than light). Also, he has learned that you become more HD when he does reject you. If he is like me, he probably senses your vulnerability or desire for something more exciting and is telling himself something along the lines of "That's her problem. If that's what she needs to get turned on I wish her luck in finding lots of mysterious strangers in dark alleys". I say this because in my current rather avoidant state, I get the feeling that my H might turn back to his porn habit or leave me for a beautiful crack-addict (LOL)rather than choosing to pursue me and it no longer inspires a spark of jealousy in me. However, I wouldn't say that this has anything to do with how much I love him. It has more to do with me being a little more cognizant of my own value and a little more empathetic about his particular need for validation/sexual dysfunction. If you recognize the fact that your H might have mirror-image fantasies along the lines of wishing that you were more of an assertive "jolly" f*ck who could just get turned on at the sight of his biceps as he happily chops the firewood then you might get more turned on yourself. Of course there must be some opposite rule that would work for me but I haven't figured it out yet. Please tell your H to give me that info once he has.