Hi lady! My suggestion is to pinpoint when you are most attractive to H and then tap into that aspect of your personality and let er rip.
This is what I do...I call it "honey initiates but lets H think he is" lol. I smile a lot and hug him and laugh and basically put him at ease. Then he wants to take it to the next level and I go along with it.
Nope, it is not the romance novel type seduction where he wants me and surprises me with the strength of his desire. J, I honestly don't know if I will ever have that experience again. Doubtful. This used to depress me but I think I can have something similar-but-different. That type of interaction is so dependent on newness and so forth, which we obviously don't have any more. But I can tease him (in a lighthearted type of way) and get him completely revved up for me, so I take that and use it to my advantage. By that, I simply mean that I no longer jump at his lame attempts at initiation as if they were manna from heaven. Unless he can come up with some sort of demonstrable desire, we don't do it. So then the tension goes on for a few more days until he really DOES want it, and bad. I used to be resentful of having to wait but now, for some reason, it doesn't make me mad. I guess--just like your title--I have accepted that I can either have frequency or real desire, but not necessarily both from him, every time.
Dammit.
Take care and keep writing. You are working out your own problems even as you type. hee hee.
