Hi guys...I have been away awhile, just living life I guess, and things have been pretty calm in the Journey household. We have settled into a comfortable pattern but I have had to accept some things, and I see I still need a place where I can vent, get support, etc. I really admire the oldies here who keep working on things...I see a lot of newcomers, too, and hope for the best for them. This relationship stuff really is a long strange trip!
H and I are having a regular sex life...yay! It's really on his agenda and I don't feel ignored, condemned, rejected, etc. I do get the feeling he wants us to work. We are approaching anniversary # 20 soon...yikes! There are times I feel closer to H than I have ever been, but then there are the awkward, scared moments as well. Very confusing.
There are two areas I am struggling to accept. The first is that in order for our sex life to work, H has to be the initiator. This is fine with me most of the time...I am fortunate that my body turns on when he makes the move, but there are moments I wish it could work in reverse. He has been controlling the frequency and timing, and it's been very steady and fulfilling, but it would be nice on occasion to feel the power of seduction or to have things happen on my timetable. So I am venting.
The other vent is that my H is just hypersensitive. If I am critical in some way or if he interprets me as being "aloof" ( sometimes I am just tired or distracted or worried about something) he gets turned off so easily. He has to feel like there are good vibes in the air in order to feel sexual. After 20 yrs I wish he could overlook some stuff, but he has a hard time performing when the emotional atmosphere isn't satisfactory to him. I then have to be patient and wait it out, let him get aroused slowly, but I find I have little patience. I want to scream, " Get over it already!" The interaction has this unsexy feel to it as I wait for him to come around.
Anyway, thanks for listening. I know H and I have come a long way, with the main thing being he is on board with me, but there is still work to be done. I don't think much will change at this point, so the work for me is now patience and acceptance.
