I can't believe I'm posting this

[haphazard]

Your board name Inhishands says it all. You want to be in his hands, you want him to be more assertive so you can let go and relax, BUT you want to trust those hands to do right by you.

When you jump in the car with someone and they are driving while you look at the scenery you need to trust them that they won’t be doing handbrake turns, exceeding the speed limit, driving while under the influence or any of those things.

He strikes me as very immature. He has his wonderful wife that he is proud of, he treats you with kid gloves like a piece of china, this is unfulfilling to him so he has an A (of whatever type). Next he realises he was wrong to treat you as fragile and delicate so he has swung almost to the opposite extreme – testing the boundaries maybe. Well you be sure and place those boundaries where you want them placed. The threesome thing also is like a kid showing off, he can’t treat you like a new toy and let all the other guys “have a go”.

The proper behaviour for a man who is proud of his wife is to protect her from the other guys, by his behaviour and attitude saying “this one’s mine”

We had a discussion on this board a little while ago about what constitutes an “alpha” male. That is certainly what he is NOT being, and like many (most?) women that is what you would like him to be.

I began to feel like the most undesirable woman alive because he never made a move, so sex became pretty infrequent.

You felt undervalued by him in the past, now you feel undervalued because he it seems he is willing to just pass you around. That is the effect on you. Maybe to him it is the other way around and actually he values you very highly, he is just not good at expressing that in a way that makes sense to you.

Fantasies are fun, but often it is better to keep them in the realm of fantasy. Maybe that is what your H doesn’t get. Try to talk this out with him and maybe it would be fun to role play into the fantasy a little as long as he understands that it is NOT going to happen IRL.

I have to say that I had a fantasy about anal sex, H and I got to the point where we did try it a couple of times. I still do fantasise about it during sex but we don’t go there anymore, the reality did not live up to the fantasy, we both know that it is just a game to talk about it and we both get off on the idea of it. Another fantasy I had when I was a lot younger was about just taking all comers in a back alley – sheesh. One of the reasons these fantasies are a turn-on is because it is about breaking taboos. It sure breaks a taboo to have other guys “do” your wife, if it happens IRL then it is no longer a taboo and the fantasy loses its power. If you can get your H to understand (maybe he already does) that if it happened for real it probably would be less fun than he thinks it would, and that in order to keep the power that the fantasy has to turn him on it needs to maintain its taboo, then – if you TRUST him – is there any reason not to play along a little with the fantasy?

Fran