Quote: Quote: ---------------------------- What changed in less than 2 weeks from "tearful and remorseful" to "let's do threesomes and f*ck around with other people?" ----------------------------
You know, that's really the question, isn't it? I'm so confused because he is still tearful & remorseful. Even last night, before this fiasco, he started tearing up and saying that I deserve so much better, I'm such a great wife & all he did was hurt me, etc. I wonder if he thinks this is what I want???
Okay, here are some of my thoughts. The tears and remorse could be:
a. repentance for the emotional affair. b. fearful response to lying if the emotional affair was actually physical.
If he thought this is what you wanted (performing threesomes) then your negative response should have been enough to end that course of action. Since it has not, I assume that this is something *he* is wanting to pursue.
Asking your spouse to be more assertive sexually is usually understood to be within the context of the current relationship. Folks usually don't go from vanilla sex to threesomes *without there having been something that triggered the change*.
Relational breakups and makeups almost always result (at least temporarily) with an increase in sex quantity AND creativity. So, that change within the marital sexual relationship isn't unusual. But the "let's bring in a guy and/or a girl for a threesome" falls outside the bounds and sets off my warning bells.
Quote: I remember him saying while we were separated, "God, sex with me must have been so boring for you." I didn't come out and say it and I tried to reassure him, but I'm wondering now if this is his attempt at making sex less "boring" for me???
If it is mere miscommunication, then you can express some of the things you might find more interesting. Or if sex has started rating up where you want it to then a simple, "Honey, this is just what I wanted!" can dispel the idea that your idea of "not boring" includes third parties.
Quote: I think my mistake was telling him that I wanted him to "take charge" more. Now he is and it's definitely NOT what I had in mind. How can I stop this without proving that I don't really mean what I said? It's kind of my fault, I think.
Women who want their men to be the more assertive partner sexually is pretty much bred and nurtured into the female gender. That's not odd on your part.
Saying that you want to be able to be more submissive sexually doesn't mean that you have to bite your lips and submit to something that you find distasteful. That's what I meant by having boundaries. You don't have to have reasons why you don't want to do threesomes. But, there are several reasons that might apply.
Third party sexual relationships count as adultery and as a Christian, you're aware of the Biblical view of adultery.
Third party sexual relationships open you up to a world of STDs that are currently rampant among the sexually active. "It is estimated that as many as 75 percent of the reproductive-age population has been infected with one or more types of genital HPV and up to 5.5 million new infections occur each year."
Third party sexual relationships can cause the following: jealousy, body esteem issues, emotional involvement. It is almost always true that one spouse is not interested or has much less interest in threesomes and will come out of the experience with devastation.
I don't get the sense from what you have posted that your husband is presenting these as "are these some of the things you're thinking of" - I get the distinct smell of manipulation and a playing upon your past in order to pursue something that he is currently considering with little regard to your feelings.
