HI MATTIE...will borrow your thread a minute to respond to Rachael.... I know exactly how you would feel if you found proof that your H was still in contact with the XOW...been there,done that. When my H called the XOW and told her the R was over I tried to get him to tell her that meant ALL communication but he told me she'd understand that. He also promised that if he did hear from her he'd tell me and that he wouldn't respond to any contact from her. Well,of course since I was in the not being able to trust him at all phase I did what little checking up on him I could. There was no way I could access his cell phone as it belongs to his place of business and they have all the bills etc. Also his email at home can be accessed by me but not his work email. Where he works is very careful about such things and he needs 2 passwords to access his email. But I did have a way to check and see if he was sending her anymore email cards either from here or work (the site he used needed a password and I found it in his address book). I also checked his brief case from time to time (I know that was not a good thing but I think you understand where I was coming from). I always told myself that he wouldn't be dumb enough to bring anything he received from her home again like he did when I discovered the A in the first place but I just felt I had to check. I accessed the card site ocassionally. I also asked him several times if he'd heard anything and he denied it everytime. Well,after a couple of months I started to relax some but still ocassionally felt the need to look for something. On the 4th of July (2001)I decided I hadn't checked the card site in awhile so I did. You guessed it....he had sent her a birthday card on the 2nd of July!! I was totally devistated!! There I was trying so hard to work on things and believe him and he had betrayed me again!! This time I was not calm when I called him and told him what I had discovered. I was too upset. When he came home we had it out!! He honestly didn't understand how I saw this as a betrayal!!! I said that he had not only broken a promise but looked me in the eye and lied about it.He said she emailed him and sent him a card on his birthday back in April and asked if they could at least be "friends" and he saw no reason why he couldn't ocassionally email her!!(said he felt "guilty" that he had used her and hurt her!!) I asked how he thought I could continue to work on our R if he had her still in his life. He said she wasn't "in his life"!! MEN!!!! Anyway,my H is the type that hates ultimatums but I felt I had every right to issue one this time. I told him he had a choice to make. He either had to put her COMPLETELY & TOTALLY OUT OF THE PICTURE and make a TRUE commitment to me and our M or stay "friends" with the woman he had cheated with. He chose me and he wrote her a "good bye" letter. He received a "good bye" email from her (which he told me about). As far as I know he has not heard from her or contacted her since. I did ask him for awhile but then I decided that I'd probably never know for certain if he was lying or not so I stopped asking. He cannot make me trust him. That is something I have to decided on my own if I can do or not. Isn't it funny how that show you they can't be trusted and then they get angry with you if they discover you checked up on them (and ask you why you can't trust them)!!

If you feel the need to check the phone records then I think you should but just be careful what you go looking for...as they say,you might find it. I honestly hope and pray thet he is being honest and truthful with you. It has been a year and a 2 months since I discoverd my H was still in contact with the XOW and I am just now starting to trust him. But to be perfectly honest I sometimes have little doubts and fears come into my head. I guess that is something I am going to have to live with the rest of my life but he caused it. Oh,he doesn't know I have them. He thinks that everything is great (and it is really) and he thinks that I have gotten over it. The way I feel is that I can handle the ocassional doubt and fear and I don't need to talk to him about it. Besides all that would accomplish is make him think about her and believe me I'd rather not bring her into our lives!!

GOOD LUCK whatever you decide to do. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!! PAT

MATTIE.......HOpe you are feeling better today. I have had you on my mind a lot since I ready your last posts. I have said prayers for you and I want you to know that I am here for you!! Take care and let us know how things are going!!
PAT