Restitution was discussed in the book After the Affair. There are inexpensive and expensive behaviors that the straying spouse can offer up as restitution for the damage done.
The ILYs and reassurances are the INEXPENSIVE ones. The expensive ones are grand gestures and serious sacrifices, such as leaving a job if the OW is there, or MOVING if OW is in your town, or signing the house over to you (THAT's what I'm going for). The betrayed spouse gets to determine what behaviors s/he needs to see.
For instance, I'd love to move *away* since the OW moved *here*, but I know H would never agree, because of his work. Besides, our s wouldn't like it.
So, I'm going to ask for the house.
You need to see the ATA book to get a better explanation of why this is important, but it feels right to me, just thinking about it.
