I'm not sure whether I'm just having a bad day or if I am slowly coming to the realization that this mess can't be pieced back together.
You see, I was working very hard the past year to "get over" the shock of my H's infidelities. In the beginning, my H did all the same things he's doing now -- counselling (MC not individual), asking me to forgive him, telling me how much he loved me and wanted to work on the M. What a load of crap! He was involved with the EA!! He tells me they were still just "friends" at the point he dropped the bomb on me. Then he tells me that he felt the damage had already been done to our M and that I'd never forgiven him, so I guess that gave him license to get more emotionally involved with the EA. Sure doesn't sound like he was putting much effort into the rebuilding of our M, does it?
Today he composed an E-mail to the EA telling her how he wanted to put an end to a very sad chapter in his life and that he wanted and needed to follow God's path. He spoke about how he's repeatedly failed his family and wants to try to reestablish himself as a loving husband and father. He told her how wrong it was to have gotten involved with her and that he questions the feelings that he had for her, but that whatever they were, they were not true. He said he wants to continue to foster love, happiness and contentment with his family and with our love, forgiveness, and God's grace he expects to achieve great things.
Sounds great, huh? I told him weeks ago I wanted him to do something like this as a show of respect to me. It wasn't until today after having been really angry with him last night that he decided to do it. Also, he wrote something vaguely similar to the PA last January. So, it's just more of the same old thing. Doesn't hold much meaning to me. In fact, I told him not to send anything on my behalf because it really wouldn't make any difference to me anymore. And that's the way I really feel.
