Thank you so much. You make so much sense -- I know you do. I am just in a bad place right now. I am angry. I am ready to say "screw it." I feel like the reality of my situation is just becoming clear to me -- like I've been trying for so long to "save" my M that I haven't really thought about the consequences of what that would mean.
My H has been involved with 3 OWs during our 18-year marriage. I cannot make excuses for him anymore. I cannot say, "Poor depressed, H, that's okay. You weren't thinking straight." No matter how depresed he was, he knew what he was doing was wrong. He made choices. He did not care about the consequences of those choices.
So, now he tells me he loves me and what a fool he was. It took 3 relationships to figure that out? What will happen next year, or the year after that, or the year after that? I'm not sure I have the strength to start over again -- one more time.
This last episode of having an EA after having dropped the bomb about the two PA's last October and after witnessing first-hand the pain he put me through borders on outright cruelty. How can someone love a person and be so cruel? And, do I want that kind of love? How do I respect myself for wanting to stay with a man who would emotionally abuse me this way?
He is in couselling now to work through his "issues." He wants to find the reason why he did these things. I think that is important for him to know so that hopefully he won't repeat the same mistakes in the future. But, for me, what does it really matter the "why" of it? Will that make it any better for me? I don't think so. Sometimes there is just too much damage done -- no matter how much love still exists.
