Hi Mattie,
A while back you visited my thread and I've been keeping up on yours. Your recent post got me to thinking ... when I first came to this forum, I asked if I should perhaps do things differently. Advice came back to keep DBing the same way that got you here. Going back to Michelle's DR, I discovered that when first dealing with fighting to have S return to R, the arsenal of DBing tools is more restricted. We focus on doing 180's to improve OURSELVES + emphasis placed on learning to detach and not pursue, etc... But when reaching the level of piecing the R, we are still stuck in the same behavior pattern, when in fact we have reach a stage in R where additional DBing tools can be applied. It is time to start experimenting again to find out what else might work in quicking the pace to strengthen the R! This time with a slightly different technique to achieve our goals. Instead of looking for 180's just to improve yourself, look for 180's that will improve how you interact with each other. The best tool for this is the section in Michelle's book on to "Ask for what you want".
Start out small. (If you wish, drop by my thread to see how I have recently applied this.) Then sit back and see how they respond. If it works, try it again, just keep in focus that what you ask for should be to bring you closer together. This should help guide you in what you are asking for is not bigger than S can "chew". If it works, it also brings on a tremendous amount of PMA! If it doesn't work, then you need to keep trying something different until you strike on what does works.
For anyone coming to this forum "piecing", my advise is to reread DR for there is quite a bit in that book that had to be skipped over when only one is working at R, but now is the time to start dipping toes in again to see if there are two working at it and if there are, then there are more DBing tools in the book that can now be tapped.
If it doesn't work, then you need to keep trying something different until you strike on what does works.
