I've been having the same thoughts lately. Luckily there was no OW in a PA, but I think in an EA there was, he of course doesn't.
There are still many things I want to say and tell him from when I was crying while posting or sobbing into my pillow or venting my anger on these boards. But even though we are getting along very well, I'm still walking on eggshells. I hate having to act like that all never happened. Like his "I'm sorry" made it all go away and it never hurt or happened. I'm very content with the way things are going but the past few days I've been very happy to hear his depression in missing us and not wanting to be alone where he is. I know that's wrong in my beliefs, but there is a part of me deep down that says....GOOD! You be the one to miss and hurt for a bit. I'm sad to say that I think that's why I'm so content if he doesn't come home this weekend. I know I have the boys with me and we'll just have a restful and fun weekend. H on the other hand will have the first weekend in a year that he hasn't come home to see them and me (since we reconciled) since "the bomb".
I could ramble on, but I won't. Just know that you are not the only one still wanting answers or walking on eggshells. I wonder if I'll ever stop walking on them. H tells me there is no need...yeh, right?...until I ask or say something about "the bomb" era of our lives.
BTW...I printed all of my journaling from the boards and have it saved. One day when I know we are definately ok, maybe our 25 wedding anniversary, I hope to let him read my journaling. I don't think he will ever totally understand the pain and hurt w/o that.
I hope venting here helped you to stay on the eggshell path....for now.
