Yeah, the books the C suggested have to do with healing depression without meds. I like that approach. My H's depression might be too severe for just that and may need the combination of meds, couselling, and whatever is in those books. Get all the bases covered, kinda thing.
I had kind of a light-bulb moment while driving this morning. So often in the past I've thought of my H as being selfish. He has an "I deserve" mentality. He deserved to have a certain car, buy things we didn't need -- didn't necessarily want, etc. In talking to him over the last few months, he's told me actually that he feels very undeserving of good things. He's felt unworthy all of this life. On the day we were married he thought to himself that it wouldn't last because he was not worthy of me. He was not born in this country, but became a citizen when he was 18. And, yet, deep down he does not feel he deserves the bounty he has received from our glorious country because his people in his homeland are starving.
So, what I think he's been doing all these years is fighting those feels of being not deserving by trying to telling himself (and me) how much he deserves this and that and another thing. He's had a battle going on inside him all his life, apparently.
And then being unworthy of me, seems like he set out to prove himself right on that one. Had A's with people who were unworthy, which he felt he deserved, and then he could "prove" to himself that he was right along.
I'm not sure if I'm making sense here. I hope you all can read between the lines if I'm not. I didn't take the time to really organize my thoughts, just wanted to get them down before I start work.
