It's been 5 months. yes since I found out about the OW but I feel so lost still. so unsure of MYSELF. I don't know I'll be ok if it does not work out-I love him and it would be a terrible thing. I'm not sure I'll ever be the same no matter what happens-so much innocence is lost when they do this to us. I want my Husband back the way he used to love me. It will take time for him to see the poisen that she was but he will see it. Then he will really have to learn how to forgive himself. HE realizes he mnade a BIG mistake, but I don;t think he FEELS it in full yet. WHen he does then he will understand how I feel. Lisa wrote how it felt to her on Andy's thread-about how much she loved her H and how it fel for htis to happen. It made me cry so hard. I wrote it all down and I want to read it to ADrian in C. Maybe he will get a glimpse of what it does to us. HE should know. I went through my MLC 11 yrs ago and had a short A with someone who died right after I broke up with him to go back to ADrian. ADrian was totally devasted-he could not think, work, do anything, so he knows what this feels like-still he chose to do it to me, and make us have to go through all this pain once more. It will take time just like it did with me-but Iknow the hardest thing is forgiving yourself to how badly you hurt your S-the one you thought you did not love for a time, but now realize you never really stopped loving them you just went off your rocker for some reason. SO much pain, somuch loss, but it can be restored. The difference is I never lied to him. HE lied to me for over 2 yrs. He had a long term A with this woman who was his friend who consoled him 11 yrs ago when I went throgh my ordeal. I'm sure she wanted him back then but he would not at that time. SO he feels "grateful" to her for being there when he needed her so badly. SHe was his "friend" He felt bad about breaking it off with her and hurting her. That in turn hurt me very much. HE knew he hurt everyone involved-I can only hope he does not make the same mistake again. Rachael M.
