Pat, thanks for your encouragement. I know you understand a lot of what I'm talking about. Sometimes I just need to "talk". I have a lot of stuff I need to get out and better here that with H, huh!
Andy, I've missed you. I hope things are going well with you. Andy, I know he "chose," but he did that 20 years ago. There should be no reason to choose anymore -- that's what makes me crazy. I have so many questions. He apparently doesn't have so many answers. I just hope his C will help him sort out what's happened.
Rachael, I don't know about the trust issue. I thought I had it figured out and was starting to trust again when all of the sudden it was shattered again. I have no advice in that area, except to go with your gut feeling.
Glo, thanks for posting. I think you probably nailed it as to how they can lie and deceive us -- they're "sparing us." Yeah, right. That's what my H said, as long as I didn't find out I wouldn't be hurt. Oh, brother. Talk about living in fantasy land.
Okay, short update.
Thursday night before we left for the beach H asked if I was looking forward to going. We talked a little about the ramifications of the OW living there. I told him I would never be able to go there without thinking about the A, but that it was not all consuming like in the beginning. He told me the only time he thinks about the A when we're there is when he thinks I'm thinking about it. Otherwise, he does whatever he can to NOT think about it. It just fills him with disgust and humilation.
I told him at this point I was more concerned about his feelings for the EA. To me that seemed much more significant if he was talking about a future with her. He once again told me his feelings had diminished and she was a "non-issue." I just don't think it's as easy as that.
Anyway, the weekend was great. I did not go on an OW hunt. I felt no desire to waste my time or energy on her anymore. Where last April I felt consumed by "looking" for her everywhere, this time I really couldn't have cared less. I've come to believe there was a reason for me having to confront her last April (as posted earlier); that reason no longer exists and she is out of my head once and for all.
H goes to C session tonight. I will post more later as things develop. I'm so tired right now I can't think straight.
