ok, my theory on why their heads seem screwed on backwards:
My H actually thought he and OW were "nice" and I was "mean!"
This is why---he was convinced that he and OW had TWOO LUVVV, and so he was looking at the ENDS and not the MEANS of his own behavior. All the lying and sneaking around wasn't "meant" to "hurt" me---it was meant to *spare* me while he was arranging his life so he could spend it with his TWOO LUV.
Incredible, huh? But that was how he viewed it!
I, on the other hand, was a witch because I *MEANT* to "hurt" them! He was looking at my means (for instance, I'm a poet and write scathing poems about OW) and not my ends---to hold together my family!
He was selectively looking at my actions, and his actions, only with a view of whether they promoted his TWOO LUV or not.
He would react most vehemently when I found ways to highlight the hypocrisy of his actions. For instance, when I DBed---the "nicer" I was the more he writhed because he could no longer justify his actions and world view.
Anyway, it doesn't make it any easier to accept that our spouses could reason so poorly, but this (IMO) is "how" they came to lie, sneak, justify all that poor behavior.
