Boy, I kinda feel like I've been talking to myself lately. Where is everybody?
H and I are leaving for the beach tonight. Kids come up tomorrow after school. Just the thought of going back there brings up so much pain. I've had a knot in my stomach all day. I'd really like to talk to H about things, but he's in such a good mood (or at least acting as if) that I don't want to put a damper on things.
I've been mulling over the EA that my H was involved with. If they had such strong feelings for each other, how could it just end so abruptly? If my H was telling me not long ago that he didn't love me anymore and wasn't committed to our M, how could his feelings for me change so abruptly? If the EA meant so much to him how can he not be thinking about her -- at least occasionally?
It occurs to me that each time I've asked him about his feelings for the EA he side-steps me. He will give an answer like, "I don't think about it (her)." "My feelings are changing." At one point a few weeks ago when I asked him if he still had feelings for her he said, yes, but they were diminishing. He also said, "what would you think if I said I my feelings gone all of a sudden? You wouldn't believe it." Well, yeah, so how do I believe that his feelings for me miraculosly changed overnight?
It's been almost a year since the bomb was dropped -- Oct. 1. This weekend marks the 2 yr anniversary of what I think of as the beginning of my H's emotional crisis. I know two years ago when we were at the beach the PA and her kids came by our motorhome when my H was there by himself. They were obviously involved enough by then that she knew just where to find him. So, maybe you can understand why this will be a difficult weekend for me.
Two years since start of H's emotional crisis. During that time my H has professed his love for two other women. Where do I fit into all that? Where was I?
One year (almost) since 1st bomb dropped.
One month since 2nd bomb dropped.
Where will we be next year at this time? Scary thought.
Off now for fun in the sun. My GF and I may be going on a little OW hunt over the weekend. She informs me she has a need to "kick some ass." Me, too.
