with your approval I'm posting this on the "piecing" board". Thanks for putting this up, it will wake me from my daily broodings of "when H was doing xyz" and "what was he doing on xyz day when away" and off set them with positive steps in my M.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Thanks Whatisis, that was nice what you said...it is sad, but, there is a reason for everything. The only thing I feel sad or rather angry about is the fact that my XH always worked hard to get where he is now, and some one who probably can't even spell Carrera GT is "gold-digging" him. You know, that type of woman that acts all excited when she smells money?
Muddle, there certainly is truth in what you've said. It's a good point to find five good things about your S when you find one that PO's you. We should remember to do that for ourselves as well. It's so easy to get down on yourself when the person you loved and trusted implicitly turns on you. It's easy to think "I must be the problem", it's so damn easy to get down on yourself (or just get down on the S or OP instead, which is no better). So whenever we do, I suggest, we also count all the good things about ourselves too.
I also want to clarify what I wrote about all the DBing in the world not making a bit of difference. What I meant was that until the S is in a mindset to accept the changes they won't be acknowledged and we can't put someone in that accepting headspace. But, through DBing we are making ourselves into the people that our S's will acknowledge as worthy of their love if that time ever comes. So don't get down DBers, it's a matter of laying the foundation and waiting for the builder to come!
P.S. 1210, I'm glad you're OK! Thanks for letting me know.
Just a quick thought from a book I've been browsing through, "What we pay attention to expands. What we pay attention to we become". If we obsess on the betrayal, the pain, the wrong that was done us then we begin to embody all that negative crap. We become it. If we pay attention to the positive, to what is good in our lives then we become something stronger and better. The good stuff grows. I guess if we dwell on the pain, then we become the pain. That's no way to go through life!
Excellent thought you shared there, whatisis. Thanks for posting it! It's very easy to get obsessed with either what's wrong or "fixing" things, but focusing on what's good is a lot more productive.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
That is awsome. However it is pretty hard to follow. I personally focus on the good as much as possible then I see what is really going on and then the backslide occurs. AKA seeing the A in real life. Hard not to focus on the negatives when you see it going on first hand. Oh Well guess I have to try hard because that (my emotions) are somthing that I can control.
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
Well, tonite was BR Dance lesson #6. W is not well but there is no way she is going to miss a lesson! "I feel better when I exercise" she says. So, as you can imagine it was not the most pleasant dance partner I held tonite. Personally, I am kind of exhausted as I've been working six day weeks for the last few weeks and we had a makeup dance lesson on Sunday night(ony 2 days to repair the physical damage!)as we missed on Halloween. At one point , near the middle of the lesson, I actually felt like crying tonite! It just felt so bad to be trying so hard and to be critisized like that. But I honestly felt good at the end because I felt like I had improved a lot of stuff tonite (dancewise, I mean). It's hard to do something you've never really done and never have a positive comment made, just my mistakes pointed out. I realize she wasn't feeling well but at one point I almost said "If helping me is so annoying then don't bother". I held my tongue and said over and over to myself "This is fun, this is fun..." We had our normal silent car ride home. Wow, does that woman know how to have a good time. It's just party, party, party ! Oh well, we went, I improved and then we got home and stayed the hell away from each other for the rest of the evening. I can live with that. I think my exhaustion is showing here. I gotta go soak in a hot bath now. Goodnight DBers.
P.S. I know, DETACH!
Here's an interesting passage from "How to heal a painful Relationship" by Bill Ferguson (picked it up used for a buck): "Once you have established an intimate R with someone, you will have a R with that person for the rest of your life. This is true whether you live together or apart. Even if you move to the North Pole, a part of the other person will still be with you. Both of you are partners in your R, and will be, for the rest of your lives" Worthwhile pondering before giving up and moving on, isn't it. Very true, as well!
! Oh well, we went, I improved and then we got home and stayed the hell away from each other for the rest of the evening. I can live with that. I think my exhaustion is showing here. I gotta go soak in a hot bath now. Goodnight DBers.