Hi UL, I think the mindreading thing becomes even more intense when the "unhappy" S is looking for reasons to verify why the R is not worth holding onto. My W knows I can't read minds but until the OP arrived on the scene that was acceptable (or appeared to be). I think once the intensity of the OP takes hold the S looks at the lack of intensity in the existing R and resents it. My W said "OP knows what I need without me asking, why don't you? We've been together XX years, you should know!" She was comparing me to the fantasy R of a person whose whole world is based on meeting my W's emotional needs. There is no family, bills, child raising issues etc. It's all just the two of them. Now, that said, was my communication superb? Of course not! Could it be improved? Hell, YES! My W was unwilling to work on it with me "If it doesn't come naturally then it just isn't you" Again, anything to justify abandoning the R. But I choose to work on this issue alone, if I change the dynamic she must respond in kind, whether she wants to or not. Yet it is hard to know how much of what they complain about is really what's going on and what isn't. I have always tried to stand back and look at what she complains about and try to be objective (hard to do). When I see the point e.g. the lack of romance in our R, I have tried to improve but it was never enough. Again, I think once the grip of the OP takes over you can work on their issues all you want but unless they are ready to accept your changes it won't help. Not to be negative because really you have to make those changes anyway e.g. to be a better listener so it makes sense to do them but without expectation. To be a better person versus to win back your S. So, enough of my rambling and hopefully it all comes together in some sort of congruent message! UL,thanks for checking in and giving me your thoughts
