You're right, I really have to work on those number jokes Now, back to the serious job of marriage saving. While I have been consistent I do wonder how one gets past the old bugaboo "You don't read my mind". My W's biggest complaint (and the reason she gave for stepping out on me) was that she needed someone who could "read her inside and out" who would know when she needed something and what she needed without being told (Be my mommy!). My response was that sometimes I would indeed know but other times I would not and would need her to tell me what's going on, I said "I am not a mindreader and never will be". BAD MOVE! She took that as meaning I could not meet her needs so she turned to someone else who apparently could in this area. She directly told me this is when she decided to look elsewhere. So without this little mindreading trick it would seem all the DBing in the world won't turn me into what she wants. She can't get it through her head that an adult R requires two people who COMMUNICATE needs to each other and if one picks up on it early, bonus! I can't flip a switch in her head so that the REASONABLE light will go on. It can't be done. Certainly, I'm not saying that my communication or listening could not improve but to ask for someone else to know and respond to her feelings without any verbalizing on her part is utter nonsense. Now, I'm certainly not talking about quitting here but I do wonder about how you get beyond this? Any thoughts out there?
Now, back to the serious job of marriage saving. While I have been consistent I do wonder how one gets past the old bugaboo "You don't read my mind". My W's biggest complaint (and the reason she gave for stepping out on me) was that she needed someone who could "read her inside and out" who would know when she needed something and what she needed without being told (Be my mommy!). My response was that sometimes I would indeed know but other times I would not and would need her to tell me what's going on, I said "I am not a mindreader and never will be". BAD MOVE! She took that as meaning I could not meet her needs so she turned to someone else who apparently could in this area. She directly told me this is when she decided to look elsewhere. So without this little mindreading trick it would seem all the DBing in the world won't turn me into what she wants. She can't get it through her head that an adult R requires two people who COMMUNICATE needs to each other and if one picks up on it early, bonus! I can't flip a switch in her head so that the REASONABLE light will go on. It can't be done. Certainly, I'm not saying that my communication or listening could not improve but to ask for someone else to know and respond to her feelings without any verbalizing on her part is utter nonsense. Now, I'm certainly not talking about quitting here but I do wonder about how you get beyond this? Any thoughts out there? 
