Quote: So, putting that aside, my insight for today is that we must provide love in the manner the receiver sees as valuable, not in the way that we might see it as valuable. Make sense?
How do we know when it is the typpe of love that they want? I mean how do we know if the S's responce is genuine or just one not to hurt our feelings? I know my W likes gifts but it is against DB practices to provide gifts in the sitch. Just curious.
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
Good question, OSU. I think when you aren't getting the response you want, it's time to try other things. In my sitch there were times when I tried to do things that I believed were loving but they were not what my W really wanted. Yes, she liked flowers but wanted more. I think a good clue for me would be if I was receiving affection more after these actions. I was not. This should have told me to do something different. I didn't because I was so committed to what I was doing that I didn't step back. She did tell me that she liked flowers but, again, if you are not getting the response you expect then it's time to try something different and that something different may be a bit uncomfortable. I guess my point is that it is easy for me to sit back and say "look how hard I tried" (and I did) I just didn't have the knowledge that I do now. Hindsight is wonderful, isn't it! In your sitch, you say it's un-DB to send flowers. I disagree. It's unDB to send flowers if it is harmful to your sitch and the strategy you have chosen. It's very DB to do things that she likes IF it gets a positive response. Obviously, if you are pursuing and it pushes her away you don't want to do that. It's never black and white though. She maybe liked flowers from you before (and the ones you left her early on in the sitch) but now may be a different story. Pretty confusing stuff isn't it!
Everything is just so confusing right now. I am at a loss of what to do other than just focus on getting myself straight. It is just so hard knowing that you love someone that does not currently love you. Oh, Well just need to move on I guess.
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
Hi JM, So good to hear from you again. Here's my update: NO change. We are taking Ballroom Dance together weekly, that's positive. I went through a two week blue period where I looked at all the markers that would tell me things were getting better and although I had met those markers, nothing had changed. It pulled me down a bit. but, I have now decided to really focus on me and my personal growth rather than "making" things happen. I'm finding that good for the old PMA. What next for the sitch, who knows. Thanks for stopping by, I hope things are well with you.
Whatisis, I have a huge favor to ask. I really need to ta;]lk to someone because of the stuff that happened today. Is there anyway I can give you a call. If you want you can e-mail me your number and I will call you. My e-mail address is osu43130@yahoo.com
I really need some help now brother
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
OSU, I hope you understand, but I am more comfortable leaving our communications in the format they are in presently. Please post your update and I will do my best to give you some input. I'm sure others will be ready to lend a hand as well. I trust you understand. Thanks
JM, Maybe I'll be on "Stumbling With The Stars", if I can get past the auditions! Hey, W asked me to go to a dinner function with her in a few weeks, her boss suggested she ask me! Desptite that, she didn't have to ask me, she could have chosen not to attend or ask her "friend" instead. She asked me and I said "Sure". Another night out with the Mrs., it's almost like we're a real couple or something! I'll just accept it for what it is and carry on with no expectation. Take care, guy!
Congrats on the dinner date. But remember to take everything as is. Thanks for all of you help brother. I was jus pretty paranoid last night but I got myself under control and took care of buisness.
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
