Very true, OSU. I can remember a number of years ago deciding to put aside my W's need to work extra hours in her job. She comes from a culture that is extremely work oriented, where doing extra work is ALWAYS the norm. She would work and extra hour or two every evening (and then wonder how she could take time for the kids appointments etc cuz she wasn't claiming any comp time for the extra work!)I decided that this was a cheeseless tunnel, I guess you could say, she was going to work this way and that was that. So I stopped getting annoyed by it, accepted it and proposed to her that if she wasn't home by a certain time we would just go ahead with dinner. That could have been an endless battle between us which is unlikely to have changed this ingrained behaviour. I guess that's an example of what the quote is saying. I think it also means you pick your battles, decide what is winnable and what is not! This wasn't worth all the emotional energy the anger would entail. It has just occured to me that by DBing versus forcing the end of the S's A we are following the above quote. You can't make your S end it and commit to your R so you adjust and work towards making them WANT to do so. Just my thoughts.
