Welcome to the club...sorry to have another member. You are in a very tough spot. How do you compete with a complete fantasy? Seems nearly impossible in your situation...especially this has been brewing for so long and she never even gets to see him so basically she fills in all of the holes with good/fantasy in her mind. He is the good guy...you are the bad guy...I have yet to see anyone on here show a convincing plan on how to change this attitude...seems the only thing you can do is wait it out and make yourself a better person that your W wants to be with again.
Everyone is right that you need to change yourself and work on what made the marriage fail. I really think you need to try and convince her to stay and keep her away from the OM. Once she goes down that path you are going to have a very hard time getting her back.
So depressing hearing this same story over and over...
"Friendship is like peeing your pants: everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth."
