We do watch a lot of comedy and actually my H is very much a comedian....so are the kids....so laughter is usually present...
H was touch and go early in our relationship with alcohol....we were young and it was more of the party time thing then....after we got down to having a family he got serious about his relationship with God and being a dad....he never had a real dad as his dad was an alcoholic, woman abuser, and pedophile....but H was wonderful as a husband and father....for years there was rarely any problem with it until about 7-8 years ago when his mini-MLC came up...then it died down and things were okay...now when the HUGE-MLC exploded that is when the drinking really got out of control...he admits before when he made the decision not to drink it wasn't hard....but this time it was...and he was having blackouts when he did drink which scared him....
The good news is the doctors have said his drinking doesn't show in his health...in all of his blood tests and physicals they would not be able to peg him as an alcoholic as they usually can with the cronic drinkers....not to say it isn't still serious...
I am wondering now if he subconsciously sabbotaged himself...his relapse was 3 days before his 90 days of sobriety... I wonder if he is really really afraid of how to deal with all of this....
His sister is ready to help when he wants to talk....she endured what he did....but doesn't remember all that he does....she is a recovered drug addict of 12-14 years now....she faced her demons at a younger age and she was very successful....her counselors told her that only 3% of those in her situation beat it....she was determined....she never relapsed....but then as her and I stated....drugs are not in the grocery store, the gas stations, the corner market, the restaurant.....alcohol is socially acceptable....
I am learning to not ask him to talk when I see him depressed....I just give him some room but let him know I love him and am there if he needs me....his friends are rallied around too....our elders were very kind with him when they talked to him about his relapse and told him that they would be there day or night if he needed to talk....they want him to feel loved....because he is...of course after that discussion with them he went into a deep depression for about 2 days....and your right, I was the target of his anger...and this time I just let it go...didn't ask why he was mad....what I had done...just waited it out....
He has a battle ahead of him....but he also has a very loving and understanding family with a huge family of close friends....my son is the only one who really doesn't understand all of what is going on....the girls totally do so that is a help for them...
H also decided to go of anti-depression meds unknown to me until the relapse...he feels it was a rebound from that....but he said he wants to feel the feelings that he has suppressed for so many years....and he couldn't do that with the meds...not to mention he was really working on getting his health in order and having been somewhat impotent for a while the meds killed all desire and feelings....so he wanted it gone so he could experience desires WITH me....and not just go through the motions...I actually did notice a difference, looking back, when he stopped taking the meds....but I will discuss this with his doctor because I think before it is all over he might need them again when going deep in his therapy.....
Ok...so now you have more of my picture...and again I thank you for sharing yours....
