As always, Muddle, I know what you are living! My dilemma was always if I jump up to help you e.g. carrying laundry upstairs I'm saying "you aren't capable" so I would choose to ask if she'd like help. According to her i should just do things and not ask her. My W, as yours, expects me to know what she wants without any communication. It's so bizarre! Your W is just so into old patterns she just won't give them up despite the therapy. So, are you supposed to remind her? Good luck to ya! Yes, I don't know why they keep bringing up our "bad H" traits when they've already decided we're history! No solutions here, just empathy.
