Quote: When you constantly allow someone else's feelings and moods to control you -- and you apologize for their feelings -- that's a definition of co-dependency. I say this as someone who was myself unknowingly co-dependent until a separation made me confront the fact.
RB, thanks for this attention to my sitch. I'm interested in reading that book and will email you shortly. I was a bit struck by this statement above. I am aware that in the past I played a part in the codependency by taking responsibility for her feelings and acted in an attempt to remedy her feelings. I have since stopped this practice (for the most part) and it's why I make the distinction when I tell her I'm sorry she feels a certain way. I'm validating her feelings but not taking responsibility for their existance nor fixing them. Is this codependent still? I'm not sure, but I think this is healthier.
The other side of this codependency issue for me is the co part of it. It's very clear to me where her dependency lies, but I'm not sure where it is that I'm dependent on her. I tend to think of myself as a very independant person, and the only real room I find for my dependency is with regard to my actions in the relationship. Knowing when to act or how to act, and even here, I'm not waiting to be told an agenda, rather I will respond readily to input from my W regarding tasks or issues I would often leave alone or not make high priority. I guess I'm due for some more reading on the subject.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
