Muddle's Waters V

[MuddleThrough]

Ok, thanks guys - but I think I mislead you both with my post. Yes, we did get into a little of the history and how we act towards eachother in the ways our parents did towards each other, but this was more something that we should keep in mind - and even more important was the message that this was something that happened in all marriages, a stage, and it introduced the concept that our reactions to each other are heavily influenced by this melding of the roles in our minds. This gives us both reason to rethink our responses to see what is influencing it in the moment, rather than just reacting because we are reacting to our perception which includes a lot of assumptions. I think this is helpful moving forward. Also this is only our second session and the therapist is just getting to know the sitch. I am confident that we are in good hands here.

As for the dwelling on problems and moving towards something, we both have different ideas of where we want to go. I don't think that we are at a stage where we can work towards accomplishing goals yet. We still have to paint the general picture for the therapist, who seems to be getting a good picture of what issues exist and why so far.

I am certainly wary of dredging up all the problems, but I see that this therapist is looking for solutions, and I think when we look at our issues with an objective third party it will become pretty clear that there are relatively simple solutions that we overlooked. There has been a bit more communication since the session already, so I think it helps.

The goals of therapy for us are to get along for the sake of our son. I also want to learn more about myself in relationships through looking at the dynamics that exist in the relationship so that I can take responsibility for it all for the good of my next relationship. This is all I can verbalize, but I do wonder (thanks for this good concept Whatis!) whether this process will lead to improving our sitch beyond just getting along and co-parenting. We'll see. I don't think it can hurt anything.

Thanks for the concern, and believe me when I say that I'm cautious about where we're headed.