Muddle's Waters V

[toughlover]

Muddle

Now she's starting to sound exactly like my W was a few years back.

Part of the bomb she dropped on me in July was that she'd been wanting to divorce me SINCE 2000-2001!

Why didn't she? Well, according to her (and I think this is the alien talking to some degree):

1. We had too much debt.
2. She only made $10,000/year (worked at our children's private school).
3. I wouldn't let her get a better job cause it would mean too much driving, too much time away from home, etc. (we lived in a very rural area and I was already driving two hours a day to work and back...an hour each way).

So when she started up with OM, at first she said she wanted to wait until she divorced me, did it all on the dotted line, etc. But I reckon she figured that would take too long so she just started the relationship with him anyway, as an escape.

But, again, she blamed ME and the "circumstances"...yet stuck around for 5 or so years, 3 of which she was cheating. My only guess is that she saw me working my a-- off getting better jobs, paying down our debt, and figured I'd get us into a better financial position which she could then exploit and take off. I used to think she stuck around all that time because, deep down, she didn't want to fully make it all "real" and be the one responsible for ripping our family apart, but she swears, even now, that she was willing to do all that do "get what she wanted." Scary.

And it's odd because my wife is a go-getter (clearly); she doesn't typically wait around for things to go right for her. She has typically gone and got what she wanted when she wanted it, right or wrong. Yet in this case, nothing but excuses.

I believe my W figured that the repercussions of the A would make her decisions for her. An abdication of responsibility, so to speak.

Now, I realize our sitch's and S's are different in many ways, but I see a lot of your W's indecision in my W manifesting itself in much the same way, though perhaps to a lesser degree. It's always puzzled me, cause I'm not an enabler at all. I always gave her hell for her indecision or poor decisions. One of the reasons she ended up hating me for a long time.

I'm guessing my W's OM helped simplify things in her mind. Wierd stuff.