Muddle's Waters V

[MuddleThrough]

Thanks TL, it's good to hear your story. It gives me hope that my W will one day recognize her part in all of this and will be willing to change - if not for our marriage (which at this point may well be too far gone) but for herself. It's difficult to deflect all this stuff without feeling like I'm tossing away responsibility for things that I do own. I really do want to learn from this experience and not be caught somewhere down the road realizing that something I attributed to my W was more my issue than I acknowledged at the time. It takes two.

One thing that I took away from your post is that it seems it took your W's affair to see your anger as a problem. I wonder if this is the sort of traumatic event that it takes for someone to see the errors of their ways. My W is very angry - more and more each day, and yes it is with herself. She's angry that I'm going to be looked at as the good guy in this. She's angry at me for the choices she made throughout our marriage and those she continues to make. Is it going to take living with her choices without me for her to recognize that her anger is her problem and that she MUST do something about it? I don't know.

Thanks for your input - it really does help to hear. It sounds like you are in a really good place right now, that you're really honest with yourself and making good progress in your life. You're right about the will being the most important thing of all, and now that you have the will to change, you are going to go far. Hopefully my W's desire to change things will become a desire to change herself and therefore her life in a meaningful, healthy, good way.