Muddle's Waters V

[toughlover]

Man, that's rough, Muddle. I applaud you for hanging in there like that. Hope it doesn't drag you down too much.

I confess, I used to have a similar kind of anger...when someone is in that kind of place, it's sort of like a constant lava flow under pressure just beneath the surface...the slightest crack and it explodes out. More like rage I guess. I can remember my mind constantly scanning everything my W said or did and just looking for the slightest excuse to be angry, harsh, and critical, similar to what your W does.

I used to be that way, and it was my fault. I got that way by handling things with my W very poorly in the early days of our M, and after a few years, I got to where I was angry all the time and fought a losing battle to keep it at bay. My W did plenty back then that wasn't helpful to our M, but all I did was make things worse. My anger is what really killed my R with my W, and then she used that to justify her A.

I realize your sitch is different, but I guess I post this just cause I'm sure it must get you down, and even though this probably doesn't help much. As a "recovered angerholic" myself, looking back I recognize how wrong I was, how it wasn't really anyone's fault but mine, certainly not my W's.

Sounds like you know that isn't your fault, you're not whatever she wants to think you are when she's like that. I know that when I wasn't around my W, I deeply regretted my angry, harsh treatment of her, but I didn't think I could do anything about it. Of course, the truth is I wasn't willing to.

Hang in there, bro. You're a good man.