Well, we had a good Christmas, but I couldn't be a perfect DB'er. I just couldn't wait anymore to ask H where our R/M stood. We haven't talked about it since early October. I told him that I just needed to know what he was thinking. He said that things HAD improved, but he is not willing to give up his apartment yet (I guess he sees that as an escape hatch of sorts). He also said he has not made a final decision about whether or not he is willing to recommit to our M. While it hurts me alot that he is still unwilling to try after all my efforts, at least he admitted that things have improved. Honestly, I am starting to be resentful, as I have tried so hard to address all of his complaints, and he has done virtually NOTHING to address the things that I didn't like about how things were that had to do with him? But, at least he acknowledged that I have made a lot of positive changes. He still had more complaints, though -- he mentioned the stupid closets again, for example. Then he brought up that we have never finished decorating our house the way we want to -- like this has anything to do with our R -- to me, these are superficial things that he should have just as much responsibility for as me. But, he sees everything as my fault and my responsibility. He expects me to be superhuman, and I just can't be. I am beginning to believe that he will never be happy with me. I did not express this to him, though. I told him that he should take whatever time he needed to decide what he wants to do, and that I still wanted our M and for our family to remain intact. He did acknowledge that he is a poor communicator and said it would be ok for me to ask where things stood again in another month or so. He is still unwilling to do counseling.
So, all in all, somewhat of a positive result -- at least it was an improvement over the last R conversation. I am not sure if I belong in this forum anymore since H is no longer staying at his apt. at all. On the other hand, we're not really Piecing, as he hasn't committed to do so. I think I may start posting in MLC (did I forget to mention that he bought a new motorcycle this past Friday? He did call me from the dealership to ask me first if I was ok with it, and he got a good trade on his 1999 motorcycle).
Anyway, just wanted to update -- I am still hoping that things will be different, and that I will feel that my M is on solid ground by this time next year.
