Hi Shelly - Thanks for checking in with me. Haven't posted, as I don't have much to report. I am still trying to figure out what 180s I can do that won't be perceived as "bad" by H, and will be good for me, too. Have been distracted as S has been sick and work has been busy. H has been away since Thursday, will be back tonight. We barely talked at all these past 4 days.
Journaling: I get the feeling that maybe my H hasn't made any moves because (i) he isn't completely sure about giving up the lifestyle we have; (ii) he isn't completely sure about giving up living with his kids; and/or (iii) he doesn't feel he has enough money yet to live on his own the way he'd like to and is just waiting till he has more money before he pulls the trigger on filing for D or formally separating. I don't feel like he has softened toward me at all since I have been actively trying to change/improve on the things that he had complained about (6 months).
I was thinking back, and I realized that it's been quite a while since I have really felt loved and supported by H. I have my kids, but I still feel very lonely. I am not jealous of my kids, but it hurts to see H showing them so much love and affection and then treating me like I am nothing and he couldn't care less about me.
I have also backslid a bit on my diet, and have gained back a few pounds that I had lost. My weight gain before my pregnancy, and failure to quickly lost weight after my pregnancy was one of the many things my H complained about. I want to lost weight for myself, too, though, so I am disappointed in myself. I had lost about 45 pounds, but I have now gained back about 5. I'd like to lose another 25 to get back to where I was when H and I first met.
H purportedly read the 5LL book (I asked him to), but he hasn't said anything about it, so I don't know if anything in it even got him thinking at all about our situation.
Well, I guess I have rambled enough for now. Will try to check in on some other sitches soon.
