The big problem I see is that H has alternated between saying that he is only staying at our house because of the kids or saying that by staying he is trying to see if there is anything to salvage in our R. I hope he is trying to decide (and not only staying for the kids), but he has repeatedly said that he feels no connection to me other than our children. He sees the changes I have made, but still has no feelings for me. This is where he was when we last discussed the R over a month ago. Given that he hasn't said anything different, I am assuming that things are the same or worse. I think that's why I am so hung up on my birthday - if he thought things were hopeful, I would think he would make some effort to do something for me. If he does nothing, it will just be a sign that his feelings (or lack thereof) aren't changing. He doesn't see ML as a sign of emotional connection.
I called him to tell him some news re his cousin this morning, and he was very short with me. I feel like I am on probation or something -- if I do even the smallest thing to annoy him, then everything positive I have done is negated. He was apparently annoyed that I called him while he was washing his motorcycle.
H leaves tomorrow for a three day trip. I won't see him for long tonight as I am going out on a business dinner tonight. I actually wish I wasn't going out - I was up late last night working and dealing with the teething baby, so I am dragging today.
I'd like to have another date, as the last one went pretty well -- maybe I will suggest one for next week. I will wait till my b-day has passed though, as I don't want him to think that I am trying to plan something for that.
I know that there are some positives in my situation, but it's hard to see them when I feel so uncertain of what tomorrow might bring. I pray all the time, too, that we will find a way to reconnect so that H will want to stay in our M.
