FLTC - H really is a good dad -- I meant that he doesn't like to do the more mundane childcare stuff, like making sure that teeth are brushed and backpack for school is packed or bottles made for the baby for when I am gone. He would rather leave all those chores for me! He actually flies the A320 (Airbus), by the way
Journaling: Busy at work the last few days. Came home early on Halloween to be there for Trick or Treating, then stayed up till 2:00 am doing the work I didn't get done since I left early. Have been running myself ragged trying to fulfill my home, personal and professional responsibilities, AND DB AND continue my changes/try to make H happy. I am tired. Today, though, some girlfriends at work convinced me to go get a pedicure at lunch. Very fun and relaxing to chat while we treated ourselves a little. H has been alternately somewhat normal and then cold towards me. I don't know what to expect from one hour to the next. He was nice to me right before I went to sleep last night - joking around and chatting with me, but this morning, he seemed really annoyed by me.
He leaves again tomorrow morning (again for 4 days), will be back Monday night. I again find myself looking forward to not having to try to be "on" all the time.
He did tell me that his dad made reservations for 1:30 for Thanksgiving (his mom is not a good cook so we always go out for Thanksgiving), so I assume that means that he wants me to go. His parents don't even know what's going on with us (they live a few hours away), so I guess it would be weird to them if I DIDN'T show up, so it may be more H's unwillingness to confront the situation/rock the boat with his parents that is driving the plan. Christmas isn't far away either though . . . I really want to believe that all this means he is still wavering as to what to do, and isn't ready to "go public" yet because of that. But it could also be that he is just so unable to confront the issue that he can't bring himself to talk to his parents about it even if his decision is made. Communications in his family on anything important are practically non-existent. I am not going to be the one who pushes the issue.
No real point to my rambling today - just tired of this whole situation.
