There are happy endings to MLC

[OnHoldAZ]

My W’s entire MLC was odd. Everything was on a straight and simple – but very slooooooooow forward moving train. I didn’t really even see cycling.

I quit looking at the 6 steps – because I could never get them to fit with what I was seeing. I think that has to do with 2 factors:
#1 Women’s MLC’s can be different then Men’s. Most Men are running from their feminine side (remember Newman’s Mugwump’s post? – you should link to or post that over here also) and Most Women are trying to find independence. Some Women do have male MLC’s (I suspect it’s the Alpha personalities) and some (those who have been in the work force for years) have a combination of both – Like my W’s.

#2 I also think the 6 steps apply more to those who have affairs – that is most, but not all MLC’ers. It does appear that Women are less likely to have affairs as Men – at least from those who post on the MLC boards that I talk to.

Denial - was probably taking place under my nose (possibly 6 months) .
Anger/Replay - my W had very little or a very short replay (most of it was the Month she was at school) 2.5 months.
Depression – was there from Denial to finish, and still shows some signs.
Withdrawal from outside friends and family was 8 - 10 months long.
Acceptance/Reconnection is blurry. Reconnection with kitchen (her passion/creativity – baking) Nov, cats – Nov (odd shes a Dog person), D12/21 Dec – Jan (D12 was the only one getting hugs), Dogs – Feb, Me – Apr – Sept. .

There was no single awakening. It was more like the reconnection process continued to build:
If you haven’t read this already:
OnHoldAZ post on 4060
We slept in the same bed in a friend’s motor home – several weekends in California in May and June, but still not at home. On one trip with just me and W – D12 (D21 stayed with her in AZ) moved her bedroom down the hall to the spare bedroom, W moved her “bedroom” to D12’s old bedroom – W tried sleeping in the big bed again. W decided her “bedroom” would now be an office and slowly started moving her stuff back into the bedroom.

June - Aug – W was starting deeper R talks and about talking about her past. We sloooooooowly continued to connect emotionally and spiritually (both of us grew closer in our R’s with God), then it moved to a physical connection. From foot and leg rubs to finally hugs, then a kiss, ………………Sept., a French kiss, then she initiated a hug, then we ML.

P4M told me once – 90% of the time to get 10% of the results, then the last 10% of the time to get the other 90% of the results – he was right.

IMHO “awakenings” as described in the 6 steps – applies far more to those who leave for OP’s.