There are happy endings to MLC

[OnHoldAZ]

I don’t post on DB as much as 4060 – I started reading here but started posting at 4060 and like many here, I read on the other posts but post primarily on my “Home Base”.

Short story:
2001
ExW – M 14.5 years, at 35 text book MLC – sahm to biker trash, new: cloths, body piercing, tattoos, etc. Brought PA into our house while D’s were home – she was gone within 2 days (I told her she could stay, but her cloths would look really bad after sitting in the front yard and the sprinklers ran a few times).

2 weeks later started D paperwork – she had to get D’d, she found the true love of her life and she had to be free………..…..barf!!! She left area with PA 30 days later – moved 8 hours away so he could go to school and be a motorcycle mechanic. 3 D’s 15/13/7 (then) – I was given full custody through the D, all she wanted was her inheritance – approx. $60K cash (go figure). ExW has since (2003) married PA (after she found out I remarried – D’s said she was ticked off) – but I think is still in the land of the lost (or biker trash is who she will remain).


Met W, both of us had filed for D’s – both of our spouses had PA’s. I was retiring AF, W still active duty - she had an assignment, so I moved. The base was closer to exW – kids could see her if she wanted, friends that I knew were in the area of that base and looked like better job prospects. W moved in with her Grandmother, 3 D’s and me rented a house – 1.5 years later, we got married and W moved in with me and 3 D’s (16, 14, 8 at the time).

Some where in late 2003 or early 2004 I slid into a mid-life transition.

W – late 04/early 05, starts into mild MLC – did not move out, moved to another room. No OP but marital relationship stopped.
Nov. 04 – W’s Grandmother passes, Dec. 04 we discover her fathers left leg has veins collapsing. W had to sign for his 2nd leg to be removed (she is responsible for all of his medical, financial and living decisions – major head trauma, major strokes and dementia).

W’s melt down (Aug 05) while away at a military school, out of state woke me up from where I was. I hit the M and R books – no idea what was going on, but knew something was way off kilter.

Like many of you – I felt like my whole world had been ripped apart and destroyed – the only ground left intact was the tiny pebble under my big toe – everything else was gone. Slowly as the shock subsided – I began to see that there was more of my world left then I thought. I turned to God and leaned hard on him and his word.

I began the process of slowly GAL, spending time with D11 (at the time – now 12), giving W time and space – within the boundaries of the M, and I continued to move closer to God.

I was a long and difficult journey – but I have grown and found myself. I was not the perfect H or Father b/4 this – I’m still not, but I’m better at both. I spend many nights crying and asking God – Why? I found depression and despair – but I found the strength through God to hold on – for just one more day, then one more day, and one more day.

My W’s MLC has ended and or M is better then before, but like any good M – needs lots of love and work to keep growing. The issues that needed to be dealt with before this started (we were still in honeymoon stage and getting to know each other when this all started) – are still there, but we can talk openly about them now.

Do I ever want to go through this again? NO. Do I want to suffer through MLC like I watched my Wife suffer? NO.

It’s hard for many to see now – but:

Was it worth it? Yes