the dynamics of wanting and getting—the more someone wants from their partner, the less the partner feels like giving.
No if I understand this, then the way to get more in a relationship is to want less. So if I make it clear that I do NOT want my wife, then she will give me more quality sex than I can handle. Do women literally want men that don't want them? My head is starting to hurt.
I think you should read the book... at least look it up on amazon and read about it... sounds really interesting. I've ordered a copy of it for myself.
I remember when I was in my LD state during my M. I had a very immature understanding of sex, I misunderstood how I thought things should be between a man and a woman... I pretty much thought that it was my H's job to make me feel desire, for that is how it happened when we were dating. Or at least that is what I thought. I've come to find that that is not the case at all... but I didn't know it then.
And as time went by, all it seemed like he wanted from me was sex... it seemed that he was very O driven, and I was just a means to an end for him. Coupled with all the other problems we were having... I darn near never wanted sex... I think I was pretty much ND... but I was willing to have sex once or twice a week.
I was CLUELESS where my desire went, and I was CLUELESS in my understanding that I was the one who was in charge of MY desire. And I can tell you, reading romance novels did NOTHING to alter that opinion.
Did I want to be desired? You betcha. Exactly the way a woman was desired in a romance novel. Ugh. God. I was sooooooooo off base... so ignorant of myself and sexuality... so flippin' unrealistic.
ah. well. Live and learn.
As for you... I know you are probably sick to death of reading books, but I'd give this one a crack. At least read the reviews and see what you think.
As for your W... I just don't know what to tell you. Until one of you is willing to shift your POV just a bit... I don't see anything changing.
