Scheduling: A Help or a Hindrance?

[toughlover]

Thanks, NOP. Sage advice. I assure you it will be heeded, no doubt.

My W has really been tremendous, but I don't think she would've done it if I hadn't also changed. These last several months have been pure hell but gradually the hard work has begun paying off, though we still have a long way to go.

I'm not too concerned about her contacting him at this point. We moved far enough away and our life has changed enough that I don't think she could do that, with what all I know now, and get away with it. Furthermore, I don't think she even wants to at this point. I'm cautiously optimistic.

As far as the quota without the schedule, I'm being careful per your suggestion and, really, she's having such serious outbreaks right now, and a few other complications, that doing much there is getting put on hold for a little while.

But you're right, I think we're going to end up back on a modified schedule once her trouble clears up. Frankly, and this is important, since we've begun really opening up to each other again, my drive has actually changed. Not really decreased so much as, well, before as things got worse I think it was a sort of manic response to the distance that was growing between us. A lot of what I assumed was HD on my part seems to have been a desperate attempt to feel connected even though we weren't, and even though I wasn't really willing fo fix the things that needed fixing back then so we could be closer.

Now that we're actually getting closer, I don't feel that urge to get me some as often. Kind of hard to explain.

Actually, I think the schedule has had a lot to do with that...again, hard to explain, but what started out as a plan to take the anxiety out of the fact we were on different wavelengths sexually has actually made us make time for each other every couple of days or so no matter what, and has somehow made us closer despite ourselves.

I really think it's helped a lot. We laugh and talk and just enjoy each other's company way more than we used to, and just have a good time without it having to be serious, and that's bled over into all areas.

So, as we suspected, and as our experience (and you) confirmed, the schedule has actually made us feel more natural, relaxed, and spontaneous with each other, not less.