One of the things I would like to give you a heads up on is the whole... desire coming before the sex thing. I've been LD, and one of the things that kills desire is what you said exactly... how you treated her... but you are changing that, and that is all you can do.
However. For some women, they do not begin to experience desire until they are aroused. I think this is fairly typical for a number of women in LTRs. I was stunned to find out that I am one of those women. I thought, for YEARS, that there was something WRONG with me because I rarely wanted it NOW.
In realizing this, I also had to realize that I was in charge of my own desire. When I was dating and in the lovely chemical phase, the horniness was taken care of on its own. I thought that's how I was supposed to be all the time. Some women are... but alas, I am not blessed with that.
So in this time of rebuilding, I would encourage you to help your wife understand her own sexuality... help her understand that she may never be the woman who feels desire before arousal. In this awareness, she can work with how she is built. Otherwise, she may misinterpret this 'desire' absence as an indicator that there is something wrong in the marriage, that some need of hers is not being met by YOU...
In short... she is going to have to learn to take charge of her own desire. She is doing it now, with you, on a schedule... but it may become frustrating for her over time if she is expecting to return to the days of the 'dating feel.' Things may go back to the way they were, and you will begin to revert as well...
I cannot underscore this enough. There are PLENTY of books out there that I could recommend to the two of you if you are willing to read together. Let me know.
