Scheduling: A Help or a Hindrance?

[toughlover]

I've got a question, especially for wives, but really for anyone who's gone this route. My main thread is in piecing, and is linked in my sig for anyone interested in all the details, but basically, here's my sitch/question:

My W and I have recommitted ourselves to our M, and we both want it to be everything it can be. Over the years, she's lost her emotional/sexual interest in me because of alot of anger, fighting, etc. She also became attracted to an OM who she had an A with for 3 years before ending it, cold turkey, in July. Since then we've been in MC and making tremendous progress in all areas.

The sexual/emotional side of things is progressing, but MUCH slower than everything else. I'm not sure there's anything I can do about this that I'm not doing without doing TOO MUCH, going too over the top. I think slow and steady probably wins the race here.

I am fairly HD...4-5 times a week would be great. She is lower, probably 2 would be plenty, more likely 1.

Given our sitch, though, the spontaneity factor is kind of tough, since right now nothing I do seems to get her in the mood at all, and without a strong emotional connection, she can't get all that enthused about sex.

She is willing, however, because she recognizes it's important.

Because we are very active and busy, and spend a good bit of recreational/conversational time together, we decided to eliminate the anxiety of "how often is too often for me to pursue sex" and that sort of stuff by scheduling it, for now, as a temporary measure "until the desire comes back."

Luckily for me, she thought Tues, Thurs, Sat. morn., and Sun night is fair

So that's going well. My question, though, is this:

On the one hand, I like the schedule cause it takes the guesswork and the worry out of it given everything else we're working on. On the other, I think that guesswork, mystery, and "no guarantees" aspect has a lot to do with making things more interesting.

So, Does being on a schedule like that truly provide fertile ground for the emotional connection to be made, for attraction to redevelop, or have we actually turned this into another chore, like laundry or dishes, that will always be done simply because it needs to be done, and sort of make it more difficult for the spark to reignite?

Neither of us, I don't think, would be truly happy if the desire never returned, the mutual attraction and all the feelings associated with it.

She says we (well, mainly ME) should be patient, that they'll most likely develop over time if I keep being "great" (her words) in all the other areas we've been very successful in. I have been "minimally romantic" in that I didn't want to pour it on too thick when it might make her uncomfortable, but I think she needs to know how I feel about her. So, I'll show up at home occasionally with a flower, a small piece of furniture or something she's had her eye on, take her out and do fun stuff, etc.

Any thoughts? Anyone else out there ever got started this way? Did the emotional connection reoccur to your satisfaction?