FF--it's a hard thing to accept the unconditional love. But it's your task now. Each day you will feel more comfortable with it. You deserve it.
Another take on your W now. I think it may be a few things. One, it may be her coping mechanism to just push past the past....to not talk about the pain, the actions, etc. That may be how she deals with things. Only you can figure that out since you know her. Second, it may be that it's been pretty recent that you came back home and it's been a process all the way. She may not be comfortable letting loose on her feelings of the past. Like most of us here, the few times when we DID let our MLC spouse know about the pain they caused us, and talked about it, they ran back into the tunnel again. You also mention that her being quiet and not asking questions is what got you to take another look and come back. She is probably still operating on that same mode.
So, it might take her a while to trust YOU enough to open up, beyond you just telling her that you're open to it. You have to show her now. Maybe you can take the initiative to verbalize some of your actions, and tell her that you understand how it made her feel...and be specific. It grounds your apologies more, and it demonstrates that you really do understand and empathize. That is POWERFUL. Do it slowly....then she may trust that she can talk to you about this without having you run away.
Just as she ws patient with you going through your MLC journey, be patient with her opening up. You were mostly responsible for her shutting down like that. Your patience and actions will be the thing to bring that back.
That being said, I DO think that it IS VERY necessary to talk about things and not just brush it aside and move on. It is essential to moving on. Talk about it, learn and let it go.
You will get there....but it's your job now to pave the road to make it happen.
Be consistent and patient in your efforts to make her feel safe in opening up to you. If she expresses rightful anger...then accept it, humbly and with strength. Let her vent.
