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[wed2alien]

FF,

My H recently came home and has not wanted to talk about it a lot. We had one conversation where he explained it all, asked to come home, was very emotional, apologetic and caring. He hasn't said much since and neither have I.

Part of me wants to put it behind us, for us just to "live" and move forward but I worry about NOT talking but I don't know what else we could talk about. We talked a lot about it DURING the past 2.5 years.

I do have different thoughts, concerns and insecurities but I don't let him know, he seems not to want to talk about things since it takes him to a "bad place". I think he has trouble admitting what he really did.

I wonder if he came home since I was the default and not because he loved me. I wonder if he realized it was "cheaper" to stay married than to divorce, have child support and the stigma of being a divorced Dad.

I wonder if he thinks about OW, if he is "settling" to be with me. I wonder if he plans to leave me again once the kids are grown and gone.

So I guess the LBS self esteem is doubtful or low, and needs reassurance which it sounds like you give your wife. My H has been slow to give hugs, still no kissing, but ML is OK!! I wish he would use words to tell me how he feels, what he is thinking, to say positive things about me our future together.(like growing old together)

I would like to hear compliments about my body, about what he likes about it,(since he did like the body of the OW which is so different from mine) I wish he would respect my thoughts and opinions, to appreciate what I do.

Sometimes I still feel unwanted and unloved, though H is here, is being kind and is trying as best he can. I want to know that he puts our marriage first and is willing to go to marital counseling, weekend marriage seminars and participate in making our marriage better instead of just going back to the way it was. (another fear I have)

Maybe if you ask your wife what you can do to make it easier for her. It sounds like you are keeping the communication lines open, are being loving and reassuring without sounding phony.

The "Sad" look, I have sometimes too when I realize that the special bond we once had will never be the same, that he loved another woman and I am not his special, one and only love. But it passes if I don't dwell on it.

Keep up what your doing and good luck.

wed2alien