FF...I have always LOVED your posts on threads, as a former MLCer....and when you first came on the boards, you sounded like my H does right now....so I really look to you as a positive sign!!! I could only wish my H comes to a day when he comes back and wants to give info.
I agree with mermaid....my H did come out of the tunnel for a bit for full disclosure, and I bit too far, like mermaid. He ran back in...but b/c he wasn't finished. Now, like mermaid said, I will wait until he is ready...and that's only when he feels he is safe.
Maybe your W is creating a safe space for you too. I know she must be sad, and must also want to put that behind her as well.
BUT, I know from experience (with H...we have split and reunited 3 times in our 15 yrs of knowing each other) that sweeping things under the rug and not talking about it is comfortable, but not good. The lessons don't come out.
I know from reading your threads that you and yoru W both had work to do in the M in addition to your MLC. And that was done. But, you still need to talk about what happened, explain your MLC (not just about her), your feelings. Apologize for the anger, the hurt. Tell her that you now know how it must have felt. If you feel you were in a fog then, not the man you aare now, tell her that...that would be so important to hear, that this was a life crisis episode and not a normal coping mechanism (which is scarier).
Just hold and her and tell her what you went through. She will understand. Tell her about the MLC depression and pain. How you uderstand how it would have affected her.
I also suggest, if you're not already there, to go to MC for this process.
You need to work through this, discuss a little (not forever) and then let it go together. So you don't repeat the same mistakes.
You can also use it as a time to be positive and appreciate, verbally, the wonderful ways in which both of you have changed in the M.
You are a success story of MLC here, and if you know our forum, you know how heartwrenching MLC is...and how we love to see men like you come out of this so wonderfully strong. So, please open up together, make this a healthy recovery, so we can all rest peacefully knowing that you've made it out great!
All the best to you and your W. Thanks for all yoru input on our threads....it's our portal to the other world.
