That's great that yall are starting to discuss your issues. Do you call her when you are traveling to let her know what you are doing and to reassure her that you are thinking about her and do care? Are there things that you could do BEFORE she asks you to that would show you care? We are all needy at some level, and all of us have some insecurities, some more so than others. Maybe that is where your reassurancves would come in. If she no longer feels you are the problem with intimacy issues, that's good, right. Won't that make it easier for her when you two sit down and discuss your finances and she can see just what you have and what goes out each month, and when she sees that you and she will work together so she doesn't have to worry about the money issues? And when you find out just what about the boys worries her so much. And could you sometimes cut out of work early while the boys are at school to take her to lunch or spend the day at home with her just doing whatever she wants to do? I totally understand the kids not needing so much of her time as they used to, my S is 13, almost 14, and I see that with me, too. He is more independent wanting to spend some time with friends, and it is hard on the mother, because she has been their all for so many years that it is very unsettling to find that you are not as needed as you once were. Keep asking her on your business trips and tell her you will do something special as soon as your business is wrapped up for the day. Maybe she needs a lot of persuading to leave her comfort zone. I, too have had a hard time establishing a life outside the home, and I am not there yet. I have friends, but no really close ones. I didn't finish college, and my H says he will not pay for it, so I can't do that, without financial aid, he wants me to work, and I intend to go Monday to see about a job, so hopefully that will make him see a new me is really forming. I understand looking back and wishing things had been different in some ways, but then knowing I didn't do badly in some ways, too. It is just my H deciding that things were very bad and he may want out, even though he says he is giving me a chance to change. I only know my whole life has been wrapped up in being wife and mother, and I loved the two roles, but apparently didn't do the greatest job with one of them. so, change has to happen and I have to go forward into an uncertain future. Let me know how things progress with you, Unhappy, I am glad you two are getting to the heart of your problems. L
