I am sorry to say that my nephew, Steven, passed away this past Saturday. Nothing prepared me, my two brothers and my youngest sister when we went to see him on Saturday. When we got there, the deacon was holding hands and praying with my other sister and her husband around their only child.
After it was over, I walked in, saw the horror that I saw, and lasted only about a minute before I had to walk out. Of course, we were all in the room later on, but there is nothing worse then to see an innocent boy go through this. I can somewhat understand when a war veteran talks about the horror of death in battle.
My nephew had a lot of things wrong with him. He has had many surgeries throughout his short life. My sister would have to bath him, help him go to the bathroom, feed him, etc. I cannot understand the extent of what she and her husband had to go through in taking care of such sick child.
But when I walked into that room for the 1st time, my sister’s head was on his arm, and she was petting his hand. Both of his lungs were filled with blood, his body was blown up like a balloon that I didn’t even recognize him as my own nephew. His heart was beating, sometimes as high as 228 beats per minute, the machines he was hooked up to, was helping him breath and his body was bouncing up and down because the machines were helping him breath. Because his lungs were filled with blood from the lung disease that he had, the blood was oozing a little out of his mouth and nose. He was heavily sedated and his eyes stared into space and never even blinked. He looked like a live corpse is the best way I can describe it, but I can’t even come close to explaining how bad he looked because no one can understand unless they saw it for themselves. Thank God my mom didn’t go because she wouldn’t have survived it herself.
And there is nothing I could do about it to help my nephew or my sister. There is no words, no comfort to make the pain and sorrow go away. My sister related a story about a man at her Roman Catholic Church. This man approached my nephew about 3 weeks ago, took his hand and said to my nephew “Thank you for saving my life.” My nephew and my sister said “Why?” The man said he was suffering from depression all his life, but when he would see Steve, he said, why am I so sad? Steven was a boy who never complained, was always happy, never felt sorry for himself, never said an unkind word to anybody, never said why me, never blamed God for his misfortune, etc.
I realize this weekend he was the strongest person I ever knew. In terms of strength, he was light years ahead of me, for as you can see, I am a constant complainer, who does feel sorry for himself. My nephew has the heart and strength of a lion.
Me, at church yesterday, I had to leave right after communion, go in the basement of the church where CCD is taught, go in one of the classrooms, and cry my eyes out to the point I lost my breath. I will never get that image of my nephew out of my mind. I feel so heart broken, especially for my sister, her husband and the grandparents. Certainly, no one expects to bury their own children, or grandchildren for that matter.
I plan to write a eulogy to my nephew Steven, though no one knows that right now. I am going to start it by saying that Steven couldn’t walk for the last 12 or so years of his life. I am going to end it by saying, “Although Steven couldn’t walk for the last 12 years of his life, and he is now flying amongst the angels in heaven.”
I have to try and get back to work to keep my mind off of it. I did take my children to the Halloween Train Ride yesterday to take my mind off of it. I cleaned the bathrooms and worked a little about the house, but a lot of the time, my kids were sad because they had to see me cry for much of the day. Yesterday, they sang happy birthday to me, but I was in no mood to celebrate. I thanked them all for it. I kissed my kids and hugged my wife. My W was very supportive, and she even consoled me but touching me, so that was good.
Please pray for my family during this very difficult time.
