I admire you for breaking your cycle they way you have, and for sharing your story here. As you say, controlling the other person and forcing them to change is not possible. You only move through these situations by taking charge of yourself, which includes the emotions and feelings and reactions. Letting go of the past is one thing, and we have all urged Rocco to do that in different ways. Letting go of the present, as it happens, and learning to be in control of your life, your reactions, your own self-help - that is the key I have found. I am on my way to healing, whether within or out of my marriage it is too early to tell, but in any case it will be no more blaming others or being a victim for me. My life is too short to go on in that way - I don't intend to look back 20 years from now and be regretful about those years the way I am over the past 20. Its showtime.
